Journey to #HappyJess

A dear friend recently referred to me as per own person Rachel Hollis, and I don't think I have ever been more proud. Being in the same arena with Rach, would be a dream come true, and yes, I call her Rach, because eventually we will be friends. The compliment got me thinking about the progress in my own self development journey.

Confession: I am a self development junkie! If you and I have never spoken personally about the subject, let me warn you in the beginning, I am insanely passionate about this and have a tendency to get a little bit on a soapbox, I will try to keep it in check, but if what I say makes you upset, you might want to explore why. Things that upset you are a great starting point. Below are some insights into my own journey so far.

Journey to "Happy Jess"
If you have been following me for a little while, you know I always use the hashtag, #HappyJess, self development gave birth to that. About 5 years ago, I was in a bad place, unhappy in my job, unhappy in my marriage, unhappy in my life in general. I got to a breaking point where I got tired of being "that girl", you know the one I mean. The one who is always complaining about EVERY. DAMN. THING. Everyone knows that girl and I woke up one day and decided I was not going to be that girl anymore, I was determined to find a happy Jess. I started surrounding myself with positive people, messages, thoughts and dove head first into self development. I consumed everything I could, I was, and still am voracious when it comes to consuming self development. Books, podcasts, YouTube videos, it's free and it's available everywhere you look. I truly believe this decision changed my life. My marriage wouldn't be as strong, my promotions at work would have never happened and if not for some serious inner strength and incredibly supportive friends and family, losing my mother would have been an even more painful experience.

Self Awareness for the Win
Are you ready for the secret my loves, it's so simple, it will blow your mind.
IT'S NOT THEM, IT'S YOU!
Boom! Bet you weren't expecting that to be it, huh? It's is so easy to blame everyone and everything else for the bad things that happen to you. Let me say, there are some horrific things that happen to people that are not their faults. Those are not the scenarios I am referring to. I am talking about the fight you had with your husband and when you call your best friend to dissect the situation, you have made him out to be the devil without one time taking any responsibility for your part in it. That's the kind of thing I am talking about. Now maybe he did do something terrible, but I am betting you didn't handle the situation well either. If you're anything like how I was, you were yelling, addressing the situation with nothing but emotion and generally being unkind. About a year and half ago, Germain and i took a class on how to better communicate in our relationship. It was phenomenal and I recommend everyone in a relationship do this! One of the best lessons I have learned during that class, is that when a situation happens, it's best to start looking for your part in it, especially before you go all in on the other person. You will never have control over another person's actions or words, you can only control yourself. Focus on being someone you can be proud of and watch how it can change the people around you without you even trying. The reason why this class was so successful for us is that I started really looking at my own behavior, when I changed, everything changed.

Choosing Happy
While discovering you are the issue may not happen right away, this one you can put into practice right now, you can start to choose what to focus on. Whenever you buy a new car, you start to see that car everywhere, it's not because you're a trendsetter, it's because your type of car is now in your subconscious as something to notice. This same principle can cause you to find happy. Starting (and/or ending) your day with writing down what your grateful for will cause you to move into this easily. When you know you need to write down what you are grateful for, your mind will start looking for examples of this. It doesn't need to be paragraphs of gratitude or big profound things. I typically write 5 things in the morning that I am grateful for and they have been as simple as my insanely comfortable bed, the fresh flowers on my desk or the full 8 hours of sleep. Even if it seems too small, if it is bringing you joy, it counts. Your thoughts control way more than you think and if you start choosing to see the happy, it will change things in your life. My friend Rach, always says your energy is up to you. When you start living from a place of gratitude, watch how your whole demeanor changes.

Her Success is not your Failure
Ahhh, I will be completely transparent and say this one is hard and something I still struggle with. Have you ever heard "comparison is the thief of joy", yea well they were not lying on that one. With our social media centered world, it is hard not to get caught up in feeling inadequate to other people's success. Someone gets a promotion and you've been passed over, someone gets engaged and you're still single, someone buys a brand new house or their dream car and you're trying to figure out how to pay rent and still have money for dinner until payday. Girl, I have been there, truthfully, I am still there, there are other people out there right now hitting my goals. Remember, their success is not your failure, it is proof it can be done, it is inspiration for your next right step. The most powerful thing for you to do in those moments is work on feeling happiness for them and break down what they did to get there and incorporate that into your own life. I was honest with you, this is not easy, but girl, this is a game changer.

It's Going to Suck, Do it Anyway
Somewhere along the line, we've been tricked into thinking that things just happen. Maybe it was the growing popularity of manifestation, what you may not be hearing or focusing on is the massive action needed behind that manifestation before those desires become a reality. Have you ever heard "dream don't work, unless you do". That is the 100% truth. If you have been reading this blog for the beginning, you may remember, I wanted to start this blog for 3 years before it became a reality. The reason it took that long was because I didn't want to do the work, I convinced myself no one would want to read it and I didn't know anything about how to start a blog. It wasn't until I sat down, and started researching how to build a website, how to start a blog, etc, that this came together. In the beginning it was hard, trying to understand the intricacies of building a website and getting up at 5am so I have time to write my blogs before I go to work, it took some serious effort on my part to make it happen. That's what dream take, hard freaking work and figuring out things you didn't know. You're never going to build a company, start your podcast, lose 50 pounds, or any other dream you might have without working your tail off, so embrace it may not be fun in the beginning and just start.

I am barely scratching the surface of all the ways that personal development changed my life. If this struck a nerve with you or you are resonating with this, I would love to hear from you! I am working on a project to help others move through these issues at a much faster pace than I did! If you have any interest in being a part of my passion project, please holler at your girl by sending me a message or leave a comment below and I would love to help you change your life too! XO Jess